Category: Dating and Relationships
hi folks! I wonder, what you would do in the situation like mine: I live in a small crime town with a strange subculture called 'gopniks' but I don't leave the hope to find someone special in my aria, though all my attempts end crushed. My latter effort led to a talk with a criminal... well, we exchanged several messages and then phone- numbers. then he said about the imprisonment and after that we had a talk. He is 33 and now he's serving the 7'th year of a sentence- term. strange enough, I found him a wise, smart man with the right life-attetude and he even hasn't become scarred or shocked having heard about my blindness. He said that i had impressed him positively but his voice, manner of talking caused an oposite impression in me. after all, he said he wanted me to be his girl but I want to quit this communication - he has no job, no education, bad background... despite all his wisdom, kindness, tolerance and smartness, he is a criminal! what should i do with him? what for these relationships? I tried to explain him that we were from different planets but he said ' i'm a good man, believ me and the rest doesn't matter' - but, in the earth, it does matter for me! my family consists of lawers - i can't hide his story and record...
First of all, if you're getting negative vibes, drop the guy. Change your phone number, and break off all contact.
If you feel good about the gentleman, and believe that he will pursue a career upon his release, then you might give him a chance. I'm sure your family will eventually come around, though this would probably be dependent on him getting a job STAT.
I hope this has been of some assistance.
Brandon McGinty-Carroll
yes, Brandon, I want to quit this communication but i'd like to do it politely and accurately, without hurting him. I'm afraid... if i offend him, he will start to pursue me, he will find me because our town isn't so large. he's going to call me tomorrow again!
That's a hard situation. You certainly need to protect yourself. People certainly can change. Past crimes are a worry, but it's what a person does now tht's truly important. That said, seven eyars is a long time to be in prison. This leads me to believe the crime is rather serious? Do you know what he did?
You have to look out for yourself. Go with your instincts. You could try beig honestwith him. Explain why you're concernned. See how he reacts. intelligence is all well and good, but it does not a happy and safe relationship make. Same goes with your blindness. I'm not saying you shouldn't be happy because it doesn't seem to bother him, because of course you should. But like I say you need to protect yourself. And without knowing the situation it's hard to say more.
It's too bad you were naive enough to give him your phone number. You're right in that he will easily be able to find you even if you change your number now. I hope he is decent enough to leave you alone if that's what you want, and I certainly hope you have learned not to be so trusting in the future.
I think whether he is in prison is actually irrelevant really – if you’re not comfortable with how things are progressing then you should be able to walk away without any issue.
The fact you say that you’re afraid to hurt him not because you care but because you’re afraid he may pursue you if you do would ring alarm bells for me. Has he given you reason to believe that he would pursue you? Or is it just that you feel this unease in light of what he has been convicted of?
I agree that you need to protect yourself here, and ultimately if you don’t wish to pursue any kind of communication with this man then you shouldn’t have to.
You don’t have to be brutal – simply tell him that you don’t see a future in a relationship which is essentially long-distance i.e. you can’t be together and leave it at that.
As an aside, how did you come to be communicating with a prisoner in the firt place?
hi everybody and thanks for replies! I really didn't ask him about the reason of his enprisonment because I thought that this question could hurt him, invade bad memories and... I was afraid that he would tell a horrible story about him had been murdering somebody... moreover, almost each criminal would tell you that he is innocent and there are unjust judges who gave him a term.
well, fortunately, he didn't phoned me neither 2 days ago, no yesterday and nobody of his mates did. I hope that he decided not to deal with me anymore! I won't be so naive and trustful!
Some people can completely turn their lives around after a prison sentence. Having said that, like others have said, if you're afraid of what he might do to you should you choose not to keep up the communication, that should put up some red flags.
well, everything seems to be ok now, he doesn't bother me anymore! may be his cellmates told him not to deal with a girl who had 4 lawers in her family! *smiles*
You should be able to write the prison and request that your name be taken off the list of people he can communicate with.